What I wrote below I posted on Facebook a few weeks ago because I felt that someone needed to hear this. The response I received was incredible but also the private messages made me realize there is so much hurt and sorrow out there. So here I am reposting it to my blog because I need to make sure that whomever needs me, reads it and finds me. I am here. Despite my pain, despite my struggles, despite even my joy and my successes, I will put all that aside and fight for you because everyone needs someone to fight for them, no matter what. Or perhaps I just wish I was an Avenger. I wish I could fight for so many people.
Sometimes as I take each step forward and I work so hard to get to where I am in life, in my career, in my new country, I get so focused that I forget to see that people around me are struggling or in pain. I forget and I become focused on unimportant things. I think on who upset me at work or who pissed me off in traffic. We go through life thinking about ourselves and our pain, our struggles and frustrations. I get frustrated at work often. I work so hard on my mindset. I keep telling myself it’s the goal not the role. But what is my goal.
My goal is to serve the people directly around me. How can I serve them? Help them? Make them realize they are so much stronger than they think? This is the part where you think that I am some humble person putting my feelings and frustrations aside to help. Yet then I find myself being distracted, because here I am serving and helping people at work but then I come home, and I do not do the same for my loved ones. I have people in my personal life who need me too. In my post below I say I will fight for you even if I do not know you, and I will, but I also need the people close to me to know that I have realized how important it is for them to know that I will fight for them too.
Over the years I have become so good at fighting for myself. I have become a warrior. I say that with modesty, but I also am proud of my armour. Yet I need to remember, that as a warrior who has overcome and won many battles, I am still a human being and other human beings hurt too and are fighting battles that most of us do not know about. I am so ready to find the next battle for glory that I forget that those I love are fighting battles too. I need to turn and fight for them instead of constantly trying to conquer more land for myself. Fighting for them is not handing them a sword or a shield. It is being willing to forego what I want and being able to turn and fight for what they need. Even if they say they don’t want me to fight for them, even if they push me aside, I will keep showing up until they know I am on their side. They need to know that I will step onto that battlefield for them and as that wonderful poem goes that I know off by heart, my head will be bloody but unbowed.
I am a warrior with many scars. I have fought a war and many battles. I still fight every day. I do not always win, but I never stop fighting. This is not a post for you to tell me how strong I am. Please do not misunderstand me as seeking affirmation for my words above or below. I say all this because you can be a warrior too. Many of you who read this are already warriors who fight wars and battles for themselves and their loved ones and even for those they do not know. We can all be warriors if we choose courage and kindness and realize our innate strength. All I am saying here is that if you are too tired to fight, if you feel you have been doing this on your own for too long, I want you to know that someone will fight for you. Find that person or find me.
People have fought for me too. For that I will forever be grateful. These people will never realize how much they have done for me. I survived because they refused to let me quit. Even my beautiful little girl refuses to let me quit. My mother pushes me constantly even though I fight back a lot. It has been amazing to watch the people around me stand up and fight for me despite their own battle scars and gaping wounds. Look around you and think about who would leap into battle for you and who has. Take a long hard look around. I guarantee you there is someone even if you think there isn’t. We are all brought into other people’s lives for a reason.
So below is my original post. I planned to just write a quick intro and repost it and then the entire 900 plus words above happened. But here goes:
So often people ask me how I managed to survive and thrive with everything I have done and had to endure. People who hear my story for the first time always say they could never have survived it. Trust me. You have no choice. You just do. You just keep living until you are alive again. It’s been four years since the most horrific thing happened to me and it’s not any easier. I won’t lie.
Trust me. It’s not easy. I make choices and fight every single damn day. I just refuse to quit. There is a beautiful young girl who needs me to get up every day and fight for her. I’m not giving up. No not me. I’m not going down. All I ask is that you don’t give up. No matter what life brings you.
Never ever give up. Rise up over and over again.
Believe in hope. Have faith and love fiercely.
My four year old, who has been through more than any child should have to endure, took my face in her hands. She looked me in the eye and said “Mommy, never give up. Because if you do you will never know how good you really are.”
She may have heard it on her favourite TV show, but the fact is that at that moment she chose to say it to me.
So if you are reading this, promise me you will never ever give up, because if you do, you will never know how good you really are.
I’m never giving up. Don’t you dare give up no matter what. And no matter what you believe, someone will fight for you. And if you really think you have no one, find me. I will fight for you. I will never give up on you.
Life is about people. About community. About sacrifice and love.
I will fight for you.