There is a saying that home is where the heart is. My heart is torn between this life and the next. My home is both here and in the afterlife. My home was and is so much more than my house but I have been struggling to remember that home is not the building or the address. Home is forever in my heart.
My house, the house that became the dream home of my late husband and myself, will forever be a part of me long after I leave. He loved this house so much that he even had it tattooed on his leg. He told me that no matter where life took us he always wanted to remember how sweet this time of our lives was when we were living here and that is why he got the tattoo.
It is the most difficult decision I have had to make. It is time though, for me to move forward. It is time for someone else to make this beautiful, remarkable, incredibly special and, dare I say, magnificent property a home. Boy can I tell stories about this house. The moment we saw the photo that was advertising the property on the internet more than five years ago we both fell in love with a house which we never thought we would do. We went to view it the very next day and made an offer after 20 minutes that was above the asking price. We were two crazy people in love with a house and the possibilities of building our ‘forever’ home over the decades of our lives together.
We loved every moment in this house. I cannot explain how much joy it brought us as old as it was and as much upkeep as there was too. It was after all 49 years old when we bought it. Built in 1963. Architecture like we could never have imagined. For us it was a true dream come true. Every fire that we made in the lounge. Every party that we hosted. Every evening we quietly spent reading on the balcony. It will never be forgotten.
However it is time for this place to bring joy to a new family the way it brought us so much joy. I also prepared myself for our wedding in this house. Our daughter was born in this house. We spent some of the best days of our lives in this house. I will always remember the memories we made here. We were always so proud of our house. We loved to have it, what we liked to call, magazine ready. I cannot but help to show it off now.
Again I say it is time now for me to move forward. To build a new life without him by my side but forever a part of my heart. A new life for our beautiful daughter in a new place that the universe will lead me to. A new chapter is about to start. It pains me to close the chapter on our house but it is necessary to turn the page. I need to keep writing our story. I love to read all the chapters that have come before although the last two years have been bittersweet. I lost him but our daughter brings me such joy. I cannot even begin to describe how both the joy and pain dance together in my soul.
I always said to him that my home is wherever he is. Not a building or an address. In this life I lost that home. No matter how many times I tap my ruby slippers together I cannot go home though there was no place like it. So now I am building a new home. A home that is wherever my daughter and I am. Our different family heading off on an adventure and journey that will bring new joy and new happiness into our lives. A new home in this world. A new page in my new chapter, in this life, until my story here ends too. Which brings me to one of my favourite passages from one of my favourite authors of all time…
“But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story, which no one on earth has read; which goes on forever; in which every chapter is better than the one before.”
C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle
My previous life and my cover was this house. Part of the title page, the life we shared during our time together in this world. Our title page is not over yet though, not as long as I can tell our story and NM’s story is just beginning. Yet one day all those we love will all be together again, part of the Great Story. One day I will follow my heart. One day (in the distant future after a long, beautiful life) Nova-Mae will meet her father. One day we will all go home.